We're Cruising now...

Things have been so hectic in the last few weeks that I have not had a chance to do anything... but we are finally getting a hold on things here in San Antonio. Dods has made 2 great friends, Tim and John who he looks forward to spending time with and his job is going great too. It is such a blessing to see him getting up for work and leaving the house in a nice suit to start the day. Praise God for jobs!!! On my end things are looking up too. There for awhile they were pretty sticky and I was feeing pretty low, but I finally think I am catching on to the amount of time I need to put into school to do well. I recently had a pathology test (the class I did so poorly in on my last test) and came out with an A!!! Finally!!! Of course I studied like a mad woman and did everything entirely different than I have been doing things, so the test grade was bound to go up. I was so excited to finally do well on something that I had worked so hard for. It's about time.....hehe it only took me the better half of a semester to catch on.
Kristina, Allison, mom and I have just finished our annual "girls weekend" shopping spree in San Marcus and it couldn't have come at a better time. I had been looking forward to it for months and it was everything I wanted it to be....nice hotel with fluffy pillows, laughing in the jaccouzi tub, great conversation over dinner and lots and lots of shopping!!! It was really great and I got teary today realizing that it came and went so quickly. I love my family, I can't imagine my life without them. Now it's back to work until Thanksgiving which will be here in a flash. Dods just got home and I haven't seen him all weekend so I"ll end here. Much love, ~K

What's the deal?

The weeks are streaming together and I"m finding that even when I do have time to hang out with family over the weekend my mind is completely preoccupied with the next upcoming test. I went home this weekend for Brenda's 50th & granny's 90th birthday parties and all I did other than attend those parties was study for by Behavioral science exam. I'm not quite sure what the deal is, but the trend in exams so far seems to be that I study like crazy until I really feel like I know the material, then I think I did well on the test, and then I get my score back only to be disappointed. I could understand if while I was taking the test I was thinking "man ,I'm going to bomb this one!", but I"m always thinking "Hey, this isn't as hard as I thought it would be!" and I really feel like I know the right answers.

I thought that my first test in pathology didn't go so well because of test anxiety( which has gotten progressively worse since the MCAT), so this time around I tried very hard to relax and take my time, reading every question several times before I answered it. I even had "bleaker street" humming around my head while I worked and I felt surprisingly mellow, but I still did worse than everyone else on the exam. I say everyone...I actually don't know that for anyone other than taylor and emilie, but even still...I want to make a good grade for once!!! I am extremely frustrated and feeling very defeated. I forced myself to have a positive attitude after the last test destroyed my spirits, and now this one, though it wasn't quite as bad, has put me right back where I was before. Everyone else was saying "I can't believe how easy it was, I wish I hadn't studied as much", and here I am wishing I had studied for another week just to make the grades they are making. I am beginning to accept the fact that I am going to barely hang on in this program until the end, if I make it that far. This will definitely be the most difficult challenge I have had to face so far. I am amazed at the hours I put in and the results I receive for my efforts. If only I didn't have to sleep. My mind keeps wandering off to christmas break....only a few months away..it seems like an eternity, but one I am so looking forward to. I just want to fix people...why am I feeling like the one who needs to be fixed? (tear, shrug)
I know, I know...."this too shall pass".

Today is not a good day :(

Well I got my pathology test grade back and the excitement I felt after turning it in has quickly deflated. I am having flashbacks of undergrad where I study like crazy and then get my grade back and have barely slipped by. I hate that feeling. I was really feeling like I did well, so I'm not quite sure what happened. Then I was looking forward to coming to class and hearing that everyone else did poorly, but to no avail...everyone else did well. Our next test is next week so I"m going to study like a mad women and hope that I can keep slipping my. I keep reminding myself that all I have to do is pass. It's still frustrating that I"m putting in so much time and not seeing the benefits of my time spent.

Needless to say, I am really excited to be going home this weekend. Brenda's 50th birthday is saturday and then granny's 90th is on sunday. I will get to reading. Pray for me:)

Ahhh...the first test is finished!

This past week was the first really stressful week. We had our first pathology test this thursday so the entire week it loomed like a cloud in the distance and before I knew it I was handing it in. I am always amazed at how much test taking anxiety I have before even a simple quiz..so tests are usually an emotional roller coaster. I am enjoying the fact that the semester is going by quickly and that I am already learning so much. I am always praying for time to fly and it seems to trudge along until the week of a test when I wake up monday morning and go to bed friday night all in the same day.

Weeks like this I feel really bad for Dods and Lady. They have both been so supportive. Dods went out really late and brought me home a milkshake the other night when I was up studying. He amazes me sometimes. I am so thankful I married a night owl because he's up all night just like I am. I usually have to tell him "ok, it's time for bed"! Lady supports me by sleeping next to me while I study in my little study nest that is the guest bed, every now and then she will sigh to let me know that it is really getting late.

The test went well, I wouldn't say great, but I definitely passed and am expecting a low A or a B. The questions I didn't know I didn't have a clue about, and the one's I knew I really knew. Luckily there were more of the latter. I was the second to finish my test after I had checked over it 3 times, so I feel like that was a good sign that I knew my stuff.

My friends are so supportive. I am thankful that I have a group of friends already in San Anonio who know exactly what I"m going thru and what I'm working toward. Emily and Taylor are the two closest that sit on either side of me in class every day and Taylor drops me off after class because I"m too lazy to walk sometimes. We have formed a monthly dinner party with Taylor & Tim(her husband), Shannon & John, and Dods & me. Emily tagged along this month and we had so much fun with her there that I think she will become a permanent fixture as well. The guys seem to get along great and they all seem to have a lot in common. They don't mind us girls talking over PA stuff and we all get a good laugh about the fact that they are our guinea pigs at home.

Next week looks a bit brighter but it will he hectic from here on out. Pray for my brain that it gets bigger because I know I need to fit a lot more in there and I don't want any to leak out.

"You will kill someone if you mess this up!"

It seems like the subject matter we are reaching is becoming more and more vital so in almost every class we heard "Please don't forget this because someone will die if you do...and it will be all your fault." another favorite phrase is "do this and you WILL be sued!" It's funny how much more you commit to memory when you know that the consequences are so extreme. In every class I have taken up to this point I was stressing to get the A and move on, not I am stressing more about how much I am actually retaining so that I don't kill someone by doing something stupid someday. It is also becoming very clear how frail human life can be. It doesn't take much to really hurt somebody, and I am thinking more and more about the power doctors and health care professionals have over life on a daily basis. One think that sustains me is knowing that the teachers aren't always right when they say "it's all in your hands", because I know that everything is in God's hands. I just pray that He guides me as I make those life-altering decisions and that He uses me as His vessel to show others who controls the power of life. This is a stressful week. There are things due in every class and our first major test is on Thursday. Pray for retention...I need to get back to work and stop procrastinating now:)

Things are getting sticky!

Well we are a little over a month into school and we are just now beginning to feel the pressures of being here. Everyone I talk to is behind in something, including myself. If you spend a night catching up on one thing then you automatically put yourself behind in something else. Sometimes I wish I could slow time way down just to be able to catch up on everything, but then I'm also already very much looking forward to graduation so I want it to go by quickly. I am loving everything I'm learning, especially in my patient evaluation class. We are learning right now how to take histories and do physical exams, and it feels like I"m finally doing what I"m supposed to be doing...even though all of it is just for pretend right now. I will say that it is true what they say about you turning into a hyperchondriac when your studying medicine. We were learning all about skin cancers this week and now I am convinced that I have cancer and so does everyone I know...and we will all die quickly because we didn't catch it in time. Dods has been a great sport and has allowed me to examine all of his moles and wierd skin spots and I have made him do the same to me. He has also been a great support of my study times, making dinner, cleaning up, doing some of the grocery shopping, fetching me milkshakes and staying up until all hours of the night with me. I"m blessed to have someone helping me thru all of this. I'm loving every minute of it...but I"m tired:)

I've only been in school for 2 weeks but I have learned more in those 2 weeks than months of undergrad....so things are moving along quickly. I am studying about 6 hours a night, but am keeping up nicely (as far as I know) with the reading so the hours are worth it. It is so nice to be learning things I am interested in and that I know will stay with me in my career as a PA. The best thing about school is the students. Everyone is very helpful and we all want the others to succeed so there is not any competition between us, which is a breath of fresh air compared to med school and law schools where the students are vying for position and rank. Dods and I are doing great but are already feeling the stress of not seeing eachother as often as we would like. Our place in San antonio doesn't quite feel like home becuase we still don't have many friends in this city, instead it feels more like a place we are staying until we can go home. I feel guilty draging him away from the city he loves just to be with me while I'm persuing my dreams. I'm sure we will switch places in 3 years. I know I"ll look back then and think this thing went by so quickly, but for right now it feels like an eternity of late nights and early morning classes. I really miss my family.

2 Days and Counting...

Dods and I blogged our DTS experience, so it seemed only natural for me to blog the next big chapter of our lives...PA school. Every person I have spoken with about school has asked one of the following questions: 1) what's a PA? 2) Why aren't you going to Medical School instead? 3)Will your PA credits transfer to medical school if you want to become an MD later on? 4) So how are you going to support yourselves while you're in school? It's pretty funny that everyone is interested in finding out the same things. I completely understand everyone wondering why I decided to go the PA route instead of the MD road, so I never mind explaining my thinking behind the decision . It's about 1 in the morning 2 days before school begins so I"m not really in the right mindset to explain it all right now, but I just wanted to start my new blog and say that I can't believe I"m going to be a student again. I have that nervous excited feeling in my gut....that feeling you get the day befor eyou start 2nd grade and you wonder if the teacher is nice and if people will like you. It amazes me that years later my body remembers this feeling. I"m thinking the exact things that I did 17 years ago..I even have my new backpack all ready. (I haven't had a backpack in years) It's pink! and is perfect for carying my new laptop and all of my other books too. I begin orientation on Monday morning..I can't wait to be a PA~ K